Same goal, different year?

I was talking to someone recently about their new year's resolutions.  I asked her what her goals were for the new year.  She said “Nothing new. Same goal. Eat healthy and exercise.”  And it made me realize just how many people do this each year.  For clarity, she was not consistently eating healthy or exercising so this wasn’t a conversation with a person who just wanted to continue the same healthy habits into the new year.  

What does it mean if you have the same goals year after year?  There could be multiple things happening here so we are just going to dive right in.  The very first thing that sticks out to me about this statement is that they are not goals. That was a statement of desire.  In order to be successful with your goals, you absolutely have to break them down and get super specific.  So, what does “eat healthy" mean to you?  How much exercise do you want to do?  What kind of exercise do you want to do?  I know from my conversations with her that she wants to lose weight.  So, she was really trying to nail down the actions she needed to take to lose weight which is why she came up with “eat healthy and exercise” - but there is SO much more detail we need to get into to be successful with our goals.

I would first suggest that you say out loud and write down the real reason why you want to eat right and exercise.  *side note: I am using this one person’s desire as an example to demonstrate the point, but if your desire is something else, the steps still work!* It’s okay to say “I want to lose weight.”  And then take it a step further - how much weight do you want to lose?  What does it mean to you if you lose weight?  How do you want to feel when you lose weight?  Really dig into the why and the very specific details.  Once you’ve done this work of digging into your why and what you REALLY want - write it out.  Example: I want to lose 50 pounds in 6 months. 

Notice that the goal is specific.  It's not just I want to lose weight - it's how much weight.  Notice that the goal is measurable.  The weight is the measure (although I do suggest on a weight loss journey that you also take photos and body measurements because the scale sometimes takes time to reflect the work you’ve done).  The goal is achievable and relevant for the person - it’s not an unrealistic goal for her.  And it has a timeframe - something in which to work and strive for.  And for some people it will be “by the wedding” or “before vacation.”  Remember this is just an example.

The framework I just used is called SMART.  It is a highly used and regarded framework for goal setting.  Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time bound.  If you run your goals through this framework you will have a goal that you can work with.

I want to talk just a minute about the relevant point.  Your goal has to be relevant to you.  It has to mean something to you.  It has to apply to you.  For example, if someone says to you, you should do a triathlon, but you have NO desire to do it - your goal will not be successful.  If you are going to college to be a lawyer because you think it's what your parents want you to do, you will not be successful.  This goal has to mean something to you!  You have to want it.  This is also why I have you dig into your why.  This is why I have you ask yourself, why is this important to me?  It could very well be achievable - I can go to college and graduate - but if it's not the desire of your heart, you will have a difficult time actually achieving the goal.  And if you do achieve it - you will not be happy about it.  I have told the story of how my friend convinced me to run a marathon.  The fact of the matter is - I was already considering it in my head.  I already had committed to running almost 700 miles that year anyway.  And my friend was just encouraging me to push outside my comfort zone.  I didn’t run a marathon for her.  I ran a marathon for ME! It’s a really important distinction.  You must do this for you.

After you have your specific goal written down you have to have the action steps to get there.  That is where “eat healthy and exercise comes in.”  But again, that is not specific enough.  If you don’t tell yourself exactly what to do, you are going to shut down.  Your brain needs directions.  It needs to know what its expectations are.  If it is too broad, your brain is going to feel overwhelmed and not want to move forward.  So, what does “eat healthy” really mean to you?  Are you going to do Keto, Paleo, Whole 30, Portion Fix, 2B Mindset or something else?  What is your version of healthy?  And we even should map out what cheats (treats!) will look like if any.  I used to allow myself once a week to have dessert (usually ice cream).  I am a person who grew up eating dessert every night so asking me to never have dessert is like asking me to cut off a limb.  No thanks.  I can be healthy AND eat dessert.  But that is just me. You have to figure out what works for you and what feels the best for you (back to that relevant thing again!).

Do the same thing with exercise.  What kind of exercise have you enjoyed in the past? What kind of exercise do you want to try?  Do you prefer the gym or at home workouts?  How many days of the week do you plan to exercise?  Here are some examples of what the eat healthy and exercise action steps might sound like:

• I am going to follow the Paleo diet
• I will use the Skinnytaste website to search for recipes that are Paleo
• I will meal plan once a week so I know what I am going to eat each day
• I will have one cheat meal a week and one glass of wine each week
• I am going to go to the gym 3x a week
• I am going to try 3 different classes to see what I like: strength training, yoga, and cycling

These action steps clearly lay out the plan.  Your brain knows exactly what to do with this information. 

Have regular check-ins to assess your goal.  I would say every 30 days is a good time to assess how you’ve done.  This is a great time to measure your progress - take your weight, take updated photos and measurements.  I also highly suggest you tap into your emotions and do a journaling session to see how you feel about what you have done for the last 30 days.  What worked and what didn't?  What class at the gym did you like best?  How do you feel overall after 30 days?  Do you like the Paleo diet?  Allowing yourself permission to assess what you really like and what you don’t - what you will continue and what you won’t - is super important.  Not every goal or action step you set for yourself needs to stay.  It’s okay (and usually necessary) to shift and pivot.

If you have the same goal year after year but you have been taking action steps toward it and just haven’t hit it yet - that is okay.  However, there are a few things to be aware of.  If you are taking the same action steps year after year and you have not made any progress - you need new action steps.  It’s not the overall goal that needs to change but HOW you are working to achieve that goal that may need to change.

You also need to make sure you are measuring your goal.  The only way to know if you are making progress is by measuring.  Have you made any progress at all or are you stagnant?  If you are making some progress - this might be an example of making small tweaks to your action steps rather than completely changing them.  This is where taking time to assess and journal on your progress will help.  Let’s identify the things that DID work and separate that from the things that didn’t work.  

Most often, when we have the same goal year after year and we actually are working on it, it's just a matter of how we are getting there isn’t working.  It means the road might be closed and you need to take a detour.  There is nothing wrong with you.  It is not usually that your big dream, goal, or desire is wrong, it is just how you are getting there.  

If you feel like you made some progress but not as much as you should have - it could be a matter of motivation.  If you know in your heart of hearts that you only did some action steps and not all of them, you have to assess why.  Coming back to you why is always going to give you the push you need to get back on track.  If it feels like a motivation issue, it is probably an accountability issue.  You don’t have enough pressure or support to actually go do the things you said you were going to do.  There are multiple things you can do to stay accountable - so I will link you to my blog post with some ideas for accountability that might help you.

Reminder - give yourself some grace!  You don’t need to be perfect.  If you miss a day at the gym or have two cheat meals one week instead of one - let it go and move on.  If you harp on what you have done wrong you are going to delay your progress.  Just continue on with the plan the next day.  Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up.  You’ve got this sister!