My love/hate relationship with New Year's Resolutions

For the longest time I said I didn’t like or didn’t believe in new year's resolutions.  I have firmly believed and still do that you don’t need a new year to make a change in your life.  I feel like so many people just use the holiday season as an excuse and then make empty promises to themselves about what they will do in the new year.  With that being said, over the years I have softened a bit and realized that a new year is a great opportunity to start something new, to pursue a goal, to feel refreshed and ready to go.  The one thing that I realized is that both can exist.  I can like new year's resolutions for the people that really mean it, the people that really want to go after something.  And I can dislike new year's resolutions for the people that will make empty promises to themselves and once again not actually pursue the dream in their heart.  To be clear - not pursuing the dream in your heart is perfectly normal. It is very difficult to start something new and create new habits.   That is why I am so passionate about helping people create a plan to actually achieve their goals!

So let’s start with all the reasons I hate new years resolutions.  

I hate excuses. While I know that most people are not purposely making excuses - excuses will keep you from ever achieving your dreams.  I used to be the queen of excuses. You can even ask my friend who had to listen to me say “I could never wake up that early” and “I can’t work out on an empty stomach.”  Here’s the hard truth: until you say to yourself “I AM DOING THIS” you will continue to make excuses.  When it comes to new years resolutions, the excuses that I most often hear is that the holiday season is too busy to start working on yourself.  “There are going to be so many parties and so much food, I might as well enjoy it and then start in January.”  Typically, when people say this they don’t actually intend to start in January or they don’t have a plan to follow when January comes.  

I hate putting off something that can be done today.  This is similar to the previous one but I felt like it deserves its own section.  You do not need to wait until January 1 to start working on yourself.  There is zero reason why you can’t start to lay the groundwork for your goals in the holiday season.  I am well aware of how busy it is.  I am also well aware that starting to drink more water or limiting dessert to just once a week is a doable thing even during the busy holiday season. If you have a strong enough why, you should have a desire to start right now.  Putting it off only increases the chances that you will not start at all.  In addition, putting things off increases your feelings of shame.  You will get to January 1 and feel so crappy about all the things you ate and the weight you gained or how you look or how you feel, you are going to beat yourself up.  I know this because I have done this.  I know the voice inside your head that says you shouldn’t have eaten that piece of pie.  I know the voice that shames you for sleeping in instead of going to the gym.  Taking action is a great way to keep shame at bay.  

I hate empty promises.  So many people tell themselves they are going to go to the gym in January.  They also have no plan.  They are only going to the gym because that is what they THINK they should do because that is what everyone else does.  When you tell yourself you are going to go to the gym but you hate the gym - there is a high likelihood of being unsuccessful.  Instead of there being a focus on YOU and what works for YOU we tell ourselves we are going to do things that are incongruent with who we are, what we like and what we want.  It’s also really freaking sad when people do this because it once again adds more shame to their life when they cannot follow through on what they said they were going to do.  If you create a promise to yourself that doesn’t work with your lifestyle, you are setting yourself up to fail.  Don’t do this to yourself!  If you don't mean it, don't say it.  You are always listening to you!

I hate the 0 to 100 mentality - sort of.  There is a small portion of the population that can quit smoking cold turkey.  There is a small portion of the population that has never run before but this year they will run a marathon.  For most people, we need to start SUPER small.  The problem with new year's resolutions is that people go into the new year saying I am going to lose 100 pounds.  They say I am going to go to the gym 5 times a week.  They say I am going to increase my water intake.  They say I am going to wake up at 5am everyday.  And it’s all too much.  They can’t actually sustain that much change all at one time.  For the small population that can do a huge change all at once - I will support you through and through.  But for most people, I am going to recommend a small baby step first.  Ease your way in.  Don’t try to sprint right out of the gate. I remember working with a client one time who had all these ideas of what she was going to do over the next two weeks.  Meal plan & prep, food journal and increase the amount of days she was walking.  She came back the next session and hadn’t been able to do any of it.  After digging into all the reasons she was unsuccessful, she realized that her current lifestyle didn’t allow her the time to do it all.  She decided focusing just on her nutrition and what she was eating was all she could focus on at that time given the complexities of her current schedule. 

Now here is what I love about new year's resolutions.

I love the new energy.  Going into the new year there is so much amazing energy!! People are genuinely excited about the new year, the goals they have set and just feeling like it is a fresh start.  This energy is contagious and if you allow it, it can fuel you to go out and achieve your goals.  Having a high vibration will absolutely help you achieve your goals.  This energy can wear off quick tho - so harness it while you can and have a plan in place for when it starts to go back to normal. 

I love a solid goal.  If you haven’t figured it out by now, goal setting is kind of my jam.  It’s how I do life. Always having a goal is how I am able to get anything done.  It fuels me to keep going when I want to give up.  It gives me a plan to follow when my brain is tired and doesn’t want to think.  When you have a plan in advance you don’t have to waste energy down the road to figure out what to do next, you just look at the plan and GO! 

I love collaboration.  More than any other time throughout the year, people team up to achieve their goals.  They talk with a friend and get excited about what they are going to do together in the new year.  In 2021, my friend and I set out to run a combined 2,021 miles that year.  We were excited to do it (and we crushed it!!).  Together we had a goal and we were not going to let each other down.  Collaborating is a great way to stay accountable.

Now I want to give you some steps you can take to make sure your new year's resolutions are a success this year.

Assess what it is you really want and WHY you want it.  What is most important to you?  What do YOU really want?  Put aside what everyone else might be doing and really focus on you and what you want.  After that, assess why you want it.  What does this mean to you?  How would you feel if you achieved it?  Picture your future self - what do you look like?  What do you feel like?  Who benefits when you achieve this goal?  Get out your journal and really explore these questions.

Research what it is you want to do so you can find a plan that works for you.  What works for one will not work for others.  What feels right for you will not work for others.  When my friend and I decided to run a marathon (26.2 miles) we both chose very different training plans.  She spent time researching and found a book with a plan that she really liked.  I did the same and found a plan that was quite different.  We both ran and finished the marathon.  Our end goal was the same, but how we trained in order to achieve that goal was what worked best for each of us as individuals.  And we were still able to support each other through the process.  Some people love morning workouts, some people love evening workouts.  Some people love preparing food in advance, some people cook the day of and still others use a meal prep service.  Some people like the gym, some people like to work out at home.  Some people love live classes, some people want personal training.  This piece of the process right here is a total game changer!! If you do what feels right for you, you will be so much more successful. 

Find a partner in crime or a coach to help you stay accountable. Having someone in your corner to help you and encourage you when times are tough (or even when they are not!) will make such a big difference.  I might have given up on my marathon goals had it not been for my friends.  They were not training for a marathon but they would help and encourage me however they could.  I remember when I was planning my longest training run yet, 18 miles.  I was so nervous.  They ran the first 8 miles with me which was SO helpful.  Then they took my extra layers in the car back to my house, strategically left me water at certain locations AND let me stop at their house to pee, plus multiple check in texts along the way.  That 18 mile run seemed to fly by because I had them.

Give yourself some damn grace!  Your plan is not always going to go the way you expected it.  Life will happen.  During marathon training, I had a whole week where I was not training because I got sick.  My friend got a stress fracture during her training.  My other friend got COVID just a couple weeks before her race day.  Things will absolutely happen.  In all of the above examples, we all completed our goal.  We all ran a marathon.  It took grace.  It took encouragement from others.  It took revisiting the plan and adjusting it.  Falling off the wagon is only a thing if you stay off the wagon.  If instead of beating yourself up over a misstep or life getting in the way, give yourself grace and permission to readjust.  If you realize that 5 days a week at the gym isn’t doable then figure out what is doable and do that.  Not being able to do something the way you originally planned doesn’t need to be fatal.  Just get back on the dang wagon even if it is not the way you pictured it or planned it.  Doing something, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant, will help to keep your momentum going so as things change you can once again reassess and keep going.

New year's resolutions are totally cool if you approach them in the right way.  If you need help mapping this out send me an email at [email protected] to inquire about my MAP programs which are designed to guide you through the goal setting process and create a plan that works for you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y’ALL!  Let’s get it!