Moving Through the Hard Times

In my last blog post I talked about giving thanks in hard times.  As I was writing that, I felt really called to expand on getting through hard times and expressing emotion.  I think the worst thing we could do for ourselves is STAY in the hard times.  The best way to get out of the hard times is to take action on your part.  Instead of just letting life happen to you, let’s take some control over our circumstances and make life what we want it to be.

One of the first things you can do is start to incorporate gratitude into your daily habits.  Since I talked about that in my last blog post, I won’t elaborate on it now, but you can check that out here.

There are multiple steps you can take to move through the hard times.  The important thing is that you do take the steps.  Sometimes it can feel easier to stay where you are.  Sometimes it truly is the easier option.  But when you look at what you want your future life to be, you have to decide which path takes you to the life you dream of?  If you want that life you dream of and you want to move through the hard times you are experiencing, here are some tips for you.

1. Release emotion.  Last year I started working with a dear friend who is certified in hypnosis. She taught me about emotions getting trapped in the body and how that lowers our vibration.  If that sounds wonky to you and you are like what the heck is this woman talking about … we all have vibration from the energy in our body.  Have you ever walked into a situation where someone is just moping around or complaining about a bunch of things and you instantly have this weird feeling?  Like your uncomfortable and your body is like GET ME OUTTA HERE?  That is because the person you just encountered is at a low vibration.  On the opposite spectrum, you have people that are vibing high and you have a conversation with them and you feel like you are superman and about to take on the world.  So when you don’t allow yourself to express emotions they get trapped in your body and it effects how you show up in your everyday life.  On the other hand, if you cry, scream, punch a pillow or couch or bed, you are moving all that negative energy right out of your body.  You will feel SO much better.  Have you ever had a really good cry and then a little while later you just feel better?  It’s because you moved that emotion out.  Our society has taught us (especially men) that being tough and not expressing emotion is the way to be.  And I am here to say, that is bullshit.  This don’t express emotions thing is why we have so many people riddled with anxiety and depression because they are trying to be tough and hold in all their emotions. It is why so many people are stressed to the max.  It is why so many people are sick.  So, find yourself a safe place - in your home or in your parked car and just let it all out!! It really has made such a big difference for me and it can for you too.  
2. Reflect on your situation and how/why it’s happening.  Sometimes we are just so busy in life that we don’t actually take the time to reflect.  We just accept our situation and try to live with it.  Certainly, there are things you HAVE to live with, but by taking time to reflect you can start to identify things that you can change - more on that in the next point.  For the purpose of reflecting, I find that journaling is the best way!  Finding a quiet space, free of distractions, a paper and pen or pencil - you can get started with writing out all the things that are bothering you.  You can express your emotions.  You can talk shit about your coworkers - no one is going to see this but you.  So it is a safe place to say all the things.  It can be a really eye opening experience to just let everything flow out of you and sometimes you get the greatest clarity in that exercise.  Another thing you can do is meditate.  A lot of people get intimidated by meditation (at least that was true for me!) but really all it is is sitting quietly and focusing on your breath.  In breath, out breath.  Some people count breaths.  It's not about “emptying your mind” and “not having thoughts” like most people think.  On the contrary you are going to have thoughts.  When the thought enters your brain and you realize it, you just say “okay” and go back to focusing on your breath.  Another thing you can do is have a piece of paper nearby and as thoughts pop into your brain that you want to capture, stop to write them down (quickly) and get back to focusing on breath.  Another thing our society doesn’t value enough is quiet time with no agenda.  This is crucial for our brains, our bodies, our stress levels etc.  Another way you can reflect is to go for a long walk, preferably in quiet nature.  This is similar to meditation in that you are removing distraction and you are not doing a task.  When all you are doing is walking in nature, your brain is allowed to wander and think and become much clearer without the input of our phones, friends, social media etc. That is why so many people have their best ideas come to them in the shower! It’s one of the only times during the day that you aren’t actively doing something and your brain has a chance to think.  The more of these quiet moments you can infuse in your day, the more clear you will become on your situation and how to move through it.
3. Think about the things you do have control over.  There are two things we have control over - our attitude and our actions.  That is to say, there is very little we have control over.  Everything else that we THINK we have control over is just our perception of control.  So, let’s just focus on how you show up everyday.  Here are some examples of what I mean.  I do not have control over inflation, but I do have control over my own money and how I use it, save it or invest it.  I do not have control over the chemicals used in conventional growing, but I do have control over what I put in my mouth.  I don’t have control over the weather, but I do have control over how I react to it.  Some people are like HOHUM, it’s raining.  Me: WOOHOO I don’t have to water my garden!  Same rain, two different reactions to it.  So let’s focus on you and what you can control and it will change how you look at things and it will inform the next point, which is your action plan.  Here is a note about things you can’t control or change.  There is some really freaking horrible shit that can happen to people - for example cancer.  You can’t change the fact that you have cancer.  All you can do is approach it with a "I’m gonna kick this shit outta me" attitude.  You can research or talk to cancer survivors and learn what they did to get through it so you can have some actions you can take and control.  You can control your environment so that you are creating the best possible place for healing.  In the midst of the worst moments, you still have the two things you can control - your attitude and your actions.
4. Create an action plan.  I am big on action plans.  I believe having a plan in place gives you a clear map to where you are going.  Without it, it is easy to get distracted along the way and then end up not making progress because you took every backroad and side street there was.  After you have done your reflection and thought about the things you can control, it is time to put a plan in place to move you out of the struggle you are in.  If it is that you want to lose weight, let’s put a plan in place for that.  If it is that your job sucks, let’s put a plan in place to get a new one.  If it is that you want to start your own business, let’s put a plan in place to start.  And if you are in a horrible situation, like cancer, let’s put a plan in place to create a peaceful, healing space for you.  Let’s research the best way to eat, the best foods to eat, the best lighting to have - the best of everything - to give your body the ability to kick cancer and heal. The best way to create an action plan is to do do the steps I outlined above and then do some research.  What kind of job do you want to have?  What kind of meal plans are available that fit my lifestyle and budget?  What kind of support do I need in place to help me through?  There is so much more I want to say in this section, but I think my blog post about goal setting will help walk you through the steps to take to set up a good action plan.

The number one key to moving yourself out of a crappy situation is action.  You can not be a bystander in your own life.  YOU have the power to CHANGE your life, but that responsibility falls solely on your shoulders.  I can’t change your life, all I can do is walk with you while YOU do the work.  I learned a while ago that I might be able to see a clear path for you and I might want it for you really bad, but unless YOU want it, unless YOU are ready for change, no amount of my desire to help you will matter.  You have to want it.  You have to take action.  Don’t let this life pass you by, go out and get what you want!