Knowing When to Quit

The notion of quitting can feel like admitting defeat. You know I am the goal getting coach that believes in perseverance.  I believe in “never give up.”  But in actuality, sometimes you do need to give up.  I believe in never giving up on our dreams, pushing through obstacles, and to keep striving until we reach our goals. However, there comes a point in everyone's journey where the question arises: When should we quit on our goals?

Quitting is often viewed in a negative light, synonymous with failure. But what if quitting isn't always a sign of weakness, but rather a strategic decision? What if letting go of certain goals actually opens doors to new opportunities and allows us to redirect our efforts towards more meaningful pursuits?  

Before I get into when you should quit on a goal I want to tell you quickly why you shouldn’t quit on your goal.

1. It’s hard. Yep, some goals are hard!
2. You are still really passionate about your goal but you haven’t seen success yet.
3. You don’t feel motivated.
4. Someone told you your goal wasn’t worth it, isn’t good enough or you aren’t capable of achieving it (screw those people!).

I will go into more detail about when not to quit in a future post, but I wanted to start with when you should quit.  Here are some scenarios in which quitting on our goals might be the wisest course of action:

1. When the Goal is No Longer Aligned with Your Values: As we grow and evolve, our values and priorities may change. What once seemed like an important goal may no longer resonate with who we are or what we want out of life. In such cases, it's okay to let go of goals that no longer serve us.  An example of this might be going for a promotion at work.  It might just be that you really no longer want that level of responsibility and you are perfectly happy where you currently are.  It might be that you want to start your own business so going after a promotion doesn’t feel aligned with what you want and who you want to be.

I am going to insert a personal story here.  I thought I wanted to be a CEO of a non-profit organization.  I have taken steps for the last 10+ years to follow that dream and goal.  However, I no longer want to do it.  There are many reasons why - I don’t want to deal with state contracts and having to fight for funding, I don’t want the constraints that come with nonprofit status, I don’t want to spend SO much time working, I’m desiring more balance.  I could go on and on here but the bottom line is - it’s a goal I had that I am letting go of for a new dream, a new version of myself.

2. When the Cost Outweighs the Benefit: Pursuing a goal requires time, effort, and sometimes sacrifices. However, if the toll it takes on your mental, physical, or emotional well-being outweighs the potential rewards, it might be time to reevaluate. Constant stress, burnout, or neglecting other important areas of your life are signs that it might be better to quit.  That being said… Sometimes it is just re-evaluating the goal!!  It might be that the way you are going about it is leading to distress or it might be that it’s just too big of a place to start.  I would say 9 times out of 10 if you are experiencing this level of mental and emotional turmoil, take a pause and reevaluate.  This might not be a quit altogether moment but instead a chance to take a different course of action. 

I have previously shared my version of this where I just went all in on my goals and it caused turmoil in other areas of my life.  This is where having the right action steps can be really, really important.

3. When You've Exhausted All Options: There's a fine line between persistence and stubbornness. While perseverance is admirable, banging your head against a wall repeatedly with no progress isn't productive. If you've explored all avenues, tried different strategies, and still haven't made significant headway, it might be a sign to pivot or abandon the goal altogether.  There is a caveat here too, though.  Most of the time people quit too soon and they really haven’t exhausted all the options.  Before you quit on your goal, get some wise outside (unbiased) counsel and ask them what they think of your goal and what you have done so far.  Again, this might be a moment of reevaluation rather than quitting. 

4. When It Clashes with Your Authentic Self: External pressures, societal expectations, or comparisons to others can sometimes lead us to pursue goals that aren't genuinely ours. If you find yourself chasing a goal because you think you "should" rather than because you genuinely want to, it's essential to reassess whether it aligns with your authentic self. Quitting in this scenario is not a failure but rather an act of self-awareness and self-respect. This is why when I talk about goal setting, I always say it has to be what YOU want.  It has to be deeply meaningful to you!  Quitting a goal that was never yours to begin with, makes a lot of sense.

An example of this one that is super common is going to college for something your parents wanted.  Your parents wanted you to be a doctor or lawyer - or maybe they just wanted you to have a degree because they truly believe that is most important in today’s world.  Whatever the reason, there are tons of young people going to college for things they don’t care about.  This is a perfect example of a time to quit.  One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to release the pressure to do what other people want us to do or think we should do.  You need to do what YOU want and love.  That is all that matters.  

Quitting on our goals isn't always easy. It can be accompanied by feelings of disappointment, guilt, or even relief. However, recognizing when to let go is a skill that can ultimately lead to greater fulfillment and happiness. It's about honoring our growth, respecting our limits, and having the courage to forge a new path when necessary.  

The most important thing is that you honor your intuition.  If you really slow down and listen to what your body and intuition is telling you, you will know the right path for you.  You will know if you should continue or if you should quit.  You will know if you just need a new way to get to the same goal or if the goal wasn’t what you really wanted all along or perhaps, it's no longer what you want even if you once did. 

Remember, quitting doesn't mean giving up on yourself or your dreams entirely.  Sometimes it is just pausing or reevaluating.  Sometimes it is letting go of a version of yourself that no longer resonates with you.  Before you quit any goal, reach out to someone and get some guidance so that you can be sure you are quitting for the right reasons. <3