Finding Balance in Goal Setting

I feel like there are two different types of people in the world - the ones that are hardcore go all in on a goal at the expense of everything else in their life and the ones that are hopping from one thing to the next like a tumbleweed in the wind.

To be clear there is nothing wrong with being either of these types of people but what I have found with myself is that a better balance between the two can be struck.  Stretching ourselves to do something we wouldn’t normally do can be just what we need and what our bodies need.

In case you are wondering, I am the hardcore one that will chase a goal even if it kills me and everything around me is burning down.  I have had to learn to dial that back a bit and that is what has inspired me to write this blog post.  We all have natural tendencies - some of us like more structure and some of us like a lot less.  Truth be told this is like goldilocks finding just the right oatmeal (was it oatmeal?).  There is certainly a middle ground.

First, I am going to talk to the hardcore peeps (down below, I will talk to my tumbleweeds).  If you are a hardcore, go all in person, I need you to pause for a second. Reflect on your goal and what you really want out of this goal.  Now think about what you don’t want.  Let me give you an example.  When I was getting my masters degree, I, more or less, abandoned my husband.  I was so focused on my studies and getting an A that I stopped spending quality time with him.  It was pretty much a disaster.  So, think about your goal and what you ARE and are NOT willing to sacrifice.  Now, look at your plan for that goal and see if those things align.  Can you chase the goal the way you laid it out AND still do the things that are important to you?  If not, you need to weigh your options for asking for help.  Either hiring someone to help, buying pre-made meals etc. or you need to change the goal plan so that you have more time to do the things that are important to you.  

There are times when going hardcore is super beneficial and important in accomplishing the goal AND you can’t do that forever.  Even if you think you can, I promise you that this way of thinking will catch up with you.  When I was training for my marathon, I went all in.  I had no choice if I wanted to live (lol).  BUT when it was over I took a full 2 weeks off before easing back into running and at that point I was just running for fun and a lot less than I previously was.  If you asked me to run a marathon today I would say hell no.  You can do that hardcore training for a short period of time, but you can’t do that forever.  

As I have gotten older and talked with a lot more women, one thing I have realized is that we are all craving balance and freedom.  We want to feel like we have a better work-life balance. We want to feel like we are achieving goals but that it is not taking over our life completely.  But sometimes we are our own worst enemy in finding and striking the balance.

Okay my tumbleweeds, let’s talk about you.  If you feel like you never accomplish goals even after you say you are going to, you are probably a tumbleweed.  You may also be a people pleaser - does that sound like you?  Many people will sign up for a race because their friend wanted them to but then they never train and don’t end up showing up to the race.  Or maybe you really want to lose weight and you start a plan but then you hear about another plan and you want to try that - so you are just bouncing from one thing to another and not seeing the results you want.  I am going to give you the same advice as my hardcore people - I need you to pause.  Reflect on what you want and why.  The key word is YOU.  Why is this important to you (not to other people in your life)??  Write this down.  Write it down everyday.   

I’m going to go on a mini-tangent.  The most important thing about setting a goal is your why. It is the anchor that is going to make the difference between achieving your goal or not.  That means this has to be YOUR goal.  You cannot be doing this because your mom and dad think it's what's best for your life.  You can’t be doing this because it means something to someone else.  It has to mean something to you.  Don’t get me wrong, other people can be your motivation, but the goal must be meaningful to you.  It must be something you want. 

If you’re a tumbleweed, stay focused.  Once you pick your path, write it down regularly and measure your progress regularly.  If you are trying to lose weight, measure you weight, your inches, and take pictures.  All three things are important.  Whatever your goal is make sure you have a way to measure your progress and measuring it in multiple ways is best.  

How do we strike a middle ground?

You have to remember that life is not measured in extremes.  It is not all or nothing or never or always. You have to really spend time reflecting on your goal and having a very solid plan for it.  When you have a plan and the right support in place, it will be easier to strike the balance.  There will be times when you are sprinting toward your goal and you need help with other things in your life to make that possible.  There will be times when you just don’t feel like it and you will need support to help you continue on. 

Here are the keys: your why, your plan and support.  With these things in place you will know when you can back down and when you need to turn up the heat.  There may be times when you go hard, times when you slow down and times when you strike the balance between those.  All of these things are important with our goals.  If we feel too stressed we are more likely to give up.  If we aren’t making progress, we are more likely to feel shame.  Finding the balance helps us with both these things. 

And the most important thing of all?  Never give up.  

Need help finding the right balance for you?  Book a clarity call with me and learn if my coaching program is right for you!